Field Trip Scrapbooking

We're going through a homeschool metamorphosis this year. At some point I realized that we were spending a lot of time and energy just trying to get through the material without losing it and experiencing very little enjoyment and excitement over new information and acquired skills. Next year we'll be shifting what we do and how we do it and possibly switching over to year-round school (gasp). One of my goals/hopes is to get more joy out of learning for all of us. I've already made some attempts to shift the scales with some project focused learning.




One of our new undertakings is scrapbooking our field trips. We usually come home with great pictures, brochures, free kid stuff, stickers, etc. What better way to put everything together than in a scrapbook. Thanks to Grandma, the boys already had scrapbooks ready to house their work.

Matters of the Heart: Empty Nesting

Becoming an empty nester can be both an exciting and difficult life transition for many. I know for myself, I have moments of dreaming what it will be like when my kids are grown and out of the house and all my time and energy are my own. But, really, I can't even begin to imagine what an empty nest will look and feel like for me in the years to come. My friend and fellow blogger, Dottie Pickett, was willing to sit down with me (in the virtual setting of our blogging worlds, that is) and share some of her story and experience. Here's a bit of our conversation.

What was your experience of being a mom when the girls were in the house?

The minute you conceive you become a mom, which means I have been a mom for over 25 years.

I was in heaven being a mom from day one. My mom and I weren't close, so I'm told that I had an extra need to bond with my girls. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I only worked a couple of days a week, so I had lots and lots of time to nurture them, play with them, watch them participate in sports and musicals, and even get involved with their school projects, like being in charge of costumes for their school plays.

One of our favorite things was to do crafts together. For instance, one entire summer we made elaborate masquerade masks for Carly's 16th birthday! So fun!

What has the process of becoming an empty nester been like for you, what are some of the struggles you face, and what's been helpful to you during this transition?

When it began to hit me that my youngest was going off to college I went into a severe depression. I know that not everyone will have the same experience. I have learned that there is a major chemical component with me that others don’t have. With my depression there was a perfect storm: emotional enmeshment and empty nesting, biological/chemical issues and hormonal changes. Thankfully, I’m in a much better place now. Various things have been helpful in pulling me out of depression.

In order to lift yourself out of depression you have to address it from all angles. I began working out consistently, I got a lot of prayer and I prayed a lot, I started in-depth therapy, I got on antidepressants, I started volunteering at a fun organization, I made sure to plan quality time with my wonderful husband and good friends, and I started gardening and cooking more. Interestingly enough, starting my blog, Pickett’s Pearls, was the thing that has helped me the most. I have a strong need to be creative, and when the girls left I didn’t see how I was going to fulfill that part of me. My blog meets so many other needs, giving me something that is all my own and not connected with my girls.

Does your experience differ from your husband's? If so, how? If not, what is it like being empty nesters together? 

It has been hard on my husband as well because he and the girls are very close, but not nearly as hard as it has been on me. He has been unbelievably loving through this whole excruciating time. I really don’t know what I would have done without him.

Being empty nesters has been good for our marriage. We are looking more to each other to have our needs met. For example, I have really gotten into watching football and basketball with him. Of course he loves that! We've also really been enjoying getting into cooking.

What are you most proud of in what you have done to raise your daughters?

Our daughters are both very kind and empathic people. They also have a desire to get closer to Christ.

What are you most proud of in what you are doing now? 

Surprise, surprise! Pickett’s Pearls. Pickett’s Pearls is mostly four ingredient recipes and creative or helpful tips for the home. I don’t know where it will go, but I’m okay with that. I feel like I was made for this and I enjoy every part of it: the planning, the writing with humor and lightness, the photography (my photos are worlds away from where they were), the problem solving needed for things like how to make a delectable lemon rum cake with only four ingredients or how to keep your sponges from smelling icky. I also love to make beautiful things: wreaths, napkin folds, and jewelry. And I really love encouraging others to create beautiful things.

Tell me something about being an empty nester that you didn't expect or that someone who hasn't gone through this process might not know.

Very few parents have the extreme struggle that I have had, but almost every empty nester has a hard time. My advice would be to find “life giving” endeavors way before it’s time for your children to leave the nest. Whether it’s finding a job you really like or taking up painting or going back to school - something that you can immerse yourself in, something involving others, and something fulfilling.

Children bring so much life and energy into the home. They not only physically have more energy, thereby adding energy to any environment, but they also have their whole lives in front of them which usually comes with lots of plans, hopes, and dreams. Also, because they don’t have as many responsibilities as adults do they are almost always more playful and light. As empty nesters we need to create our own energy by planning fun activities with our spouse and/or friends, making sure we are always learning something new, and being involved in things we are excited about.

Dottie is a married momma of two beautiful women (Carly, 24, fine artist, and Abbey, 21, Film major at USC). She's also a licensed Marriage and Family therapist and a fellow blogger over at www.pickettspearls.net.

More posts in this series:

Living with Emotional Pain

Love and Basketball

Waiting in the Pain
An Unnatural Leader

Matters of the Heart: Love and Basketball

Love and Basketball
A Weekly Dose of Inner Peace from an Unlikely Source
by Bruce Overby

A Liberating Routine

Every Tuesday I drive to my mother’s house and load up my special needs brother, Eric, who lives with her, and take him to a local park to shoot baskets. After that we go out for coffee.

It seems like a simple routine, and perhaps it is for him. But for me, over the seven years we’ve been doing this, it’s become much more than that.

Eric and Bruce

Welcome Aboard, Little Dude

Eric was born in 1967, the eighth of nine children. Our parents, gradually discovering Eric’s handicap, which would limit his mental capacity to that of a 5 year old for the rest of his life, must have fretted greatly. Extra care would be needed, additional financial pressures might arise, and they would have to manage it all in a brood that was already large and demanding.

At the same time, I know they saw silver linings: Eric had no physical deformity, and while his development would be slow, it would be steady. And most importantly, we learned over time that his condition was not progressive — it would not get worse. We had all learned by example to help care for one another, so we generally embraced Eric, provided the small bits of extra care he needed, and watched over him with a slightly more protective eye than we had with each other.

Brush with Tragedy

Fast forward to the fall of 2010, our mother suffered a ruptured artery in her stomach that nearly took her life. Her stomach problem was the result of analgesics she had been using to soothe orthopedic pain. In the wake of the crisis we put our heads together to think about relieving her daily burdens so the pain could be relieved without the medicine. In particular, we considered the central burden of her life, which was caring for Eric, who was now a 200 pound middle-aged man with the limited abilities and consistent needs of an energetic five year old.

We considered placing Eric in a care facility, but Mom was insistent: “I need Eric in my life,” she told us, flatly refusing anything that would take him away from her.

We all got a stark reminder that day of not only the strong connection our mother had built with Eric, but also the very simple fact that Eric is, in every sense, a person. He has special needs, yes, but he looks you in the eye and calls you by your name, values his family and his life, and not only mutters the names of his brothers and sisters incessantly, but drops whatever he’s doing at the sound of a sibling’s voice entering the house. And even more than that, he is a man who treasures, to the extent that he can, the person who has been the most constant presence in his life, his mother.

Not So Different from the Rest of Us
In the end, we decided each of us would do what we could to take Eric out so Mom could have at least a few extra hours of respite a few times a week. One brother has taken him for the occasional Saturday outing, lasting much of the day. Each of two sisters take him for an evening a week, providing him with dinner and activities in their homes, or a trip to Target or Home Depot. And I, of course, get him out on the basketball court.

On the court and off, I’ve discovered that as different as this lumbering, clumsy, sometimes silly man is from the rest of us, he is also very much the same. He is more vulnerable, certainly, unable to make rational decisions or move independently through a world that requires complex thinking and sophisticated words. But like any of us, he is curious. He cranes his head and leans in to feast his now failing eyes on any shining, pinging, or glowing thing he sees or hears. He’s also fickle sometimes, growing tired of the basketball court we typically use and asking for “a different park.” And at other times, he’s a creature of habit, ordering the same Javiva iced-coffee drink every week, without fail. And he even gets lazy sometimes, taking a day off from the special needs program he attends or taking a little more time than usual to get motivated for his outings. And who among us doesn’t get fickle about some things and habitual about others, or feel a little lazy every once in a while?

Freedom
But the real discovery I’ve made in these years of basketball with Eric has been one of complete release and freedom. Because in many ways, I’ve realized, Eric’s handicap has set him free. He is free from the burden of difficult choices and challenges to self-esteem, and the hours, days, sometimes weeks of consternation that come with them. And the price of that freedom is actually our gift as members of his family: It is the privilege of providing the support and care that grants him that freedom. Because who knows what kind of person Eric would be without the support system he has? Who knows what might befall a vulnerable innocent like him? The answer is, no one does, and no one ever will, because he does have two hard-working, sensitive, empathetic parents, a brilliant and compassionate stepmother, and eight solid and supportive siblings. (Eric easily matches sibling names to birth order. “Who’s No. 4?” “Bruce!” “Who’s No. 8?” “Eric!” And constantly reconfirms his schedule of visitors. “Cindy’s coming?” “Yep.” “Wednesday, five o’clock?” “Yep.”)

The weather is fine in Silicon Valley and my work is painless, but the distance between the problems I solve and the people I solve them for is so great that I am often left wondering, why? I meet, create, analyze, assess, measure and remeasure, judge and get judged, and after all that, the accomplishment I feel is fleeting, and the question lingers, what’s the point of it all? But for two hours every Tuesday I am delivered from all that. The amiable lummox who is my brother greets me and goes through the routine. Ball and wallet are zipped securely into the duffel bag. I brush his hair — my vanity, not his — and he tucks the brush into the bag for later. In the car, the toughest decisions to make are which Peet’s coffee shop to go to and whether or not we’ll look for “a different park.”

Out in the world Eric draws the occasional quizzical look or frown, but he also draws out astonishing levels of humanity. The clerk at the coffee shop simply smiles as Eric rounds the counter and sticks his big head right into the cash register. A boy, maybe 10 years old, shares a basket with us and soon takes it on himself to shag each of Eric’s misses, returning the ball to Eric carefully while balancing his own ball on his tiny hip. It is a time of human frailty and goodness, and of lightness buttressed by lifelong devotion. And this is where I am set free. Life steps down from ethereal complexity and becomes simple, essential, and palpable.

And the predictable result is that, on those rare occasions when some conflict gets in the way and I miss my time with Eric, it is a bad week. Sadness and a sense of yearning creep in during that long stretch of 13 days, but no matter. For now, at least, there is always the next Tuesday, which will come along and make everything right.

Bruce Overby is a prize-winning author and writer in the truest sense of the word. He spends his days as a technical writer and his off time as a fiction writer. His writing passions lie in the world of loss, addiction, family, relationships, and the human condition in a technology-driven world. You can read more from Bruce at www.bruceoverby.com. He also happens to be my beloved brother-in-law. I hope you all enjoyed his offering.

More posts in this series:

Living with Emotional Pain

Empty Nesting

Waiting in the Pain
An Unnatural Leader

Keep'n it Simple: Let's Talk Wardrobe

Some of you may remember the Twenty Pieces Project that I tried out a few years ago. You can read more about it here.

Here's the gist. I picked out 25 pieces of clothing to wear for a year, got rid of everything else, and committed to not buying any other clothes unless I had to replace one of my 25 items. Pajamas and workout clothes didn't count in the 25 pieces. Neither did jewelry, shoes, or other accessories, but I decided to pare those down as well. Okay, let me tell you, folks. It was awesome! Getting dressed was so easy. Laundry was better too.

I've known for a while now that getting back to something like the Twenty Pieces Project was something I needed and wanted in my life. Life is hectic. Laundry is insane. I loathe digging through piles of laundry never put away (more on that at a later date) and finding nothing but ill-fitting, hole-baring clothes that make me seriously consider becoming a nudist. No, not really. But can you feel my pain?

I'm not gonna commit to not buying clothing for a year. Although, as little chance as I get to go out and buy clothes, I might as well. What I have done is make some space in my closet - and my life. I've gotten rid of over half of my wardrobe in hopes of a simpler life, less laundry (let's cross our fingers on that one), and an easier time putting something on in the morning.

I'm no fashionista, but I wanted the clothes that I kept to look good on me, not be out-of-date, and were items I didn't have to adjust all day. Comfort is also important to me and played a big part in my decision making process.

I narrowed down my pieces to 31.

Here are my basics (I just love lists like this!):
12 tops
5 jeans
2 shorts
2 cardigans
2 sweaters
2 jackets
3 dresses
2 maxi skirts
1 snow jacket

I made sure the pieces I kept were items I like, fit well, and don't have holes. Well, one of my sweaters has a hole in it, but I'm planning on replacing it soon... er than later. My shorts also have holes, but those are mostly on purpose.

These are the shoes I regularly wear out of the house.

I've also pared down my footwear based on what I wear most often (house shoes not included). In addition to what's pictured, I have a pair of rain boots, a pair of sneakers, a pair of hiking shoes, and two pairs of dress heels that don't get used very often but are needed when they're needed. I hate items like that. What can ya do?

I pared down my earrings based on what I wear the most often.

After that, I tackled my jewelry drawer and only kept what I regularly wear (apart from some sentimental pieces I don't wear but keep in a jewelry box because of where or who they came from).




I'm a big fan of basic colors with pops of pattern and texture. Most of my pieces are denim, gray, navy, black, or tan and brown. Many of my scarfs and blouses boast bright colors and patterns. It makes for great mixing and matching.

Here are what I call my "throw ons" that go over whatever I have on when I need an extra layer:




Here are some of my "go to" outfits:

Wow, this feels so good!

I'll let ya know how it goes throughout the next several months.

Here's to simpler living and happier dressing.

Back to School: Prepping Our New Homeschool Space

This homeschooling mama is gearing up for the new school year. It starts NEXT WEEK! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm only slightly panicking and lamenting and wondering where my summer has gone.

Most moms are rejoicing right now as their kids are starting school. I love those pics of mom's jumping for joy or lounging in a pool while their children, all dressed and ready for school, watch on. Ha! So great. Homeschool mamas enjoy that experience at the end of the school year when summer starts. We all get to take turns celebrating.

Okay, back to gearing up. I've been working on revamping and reorganizing our school area. Nora got her own room this past year and we moved the boys into the nice big room we were using for school. We spent the end of the last school year utilizing half of the dining room for school work and storage. Not a pretty sight.

We've got the benefit of sweet morning sunlight flooding our new homeschool space.

Fortunately, we just got rid of an old couch that was on its last leg. That cleared up a whole bunch of space in our spacious living room. I divided the room in two and moved in a work table and a couple of bookcases to house our school supplies. Now my dining room is free to be pretty again. That is very happy for me. 😂



A new space is exciting and encouraging for me and the boys as we jump into a new school year. When I was little new clothes, new school supplies, and a brand new backpack and lunch box helped launch me into a new school year with excitement and a better attitude than I would have had otherwise. Since we homeschool we don't really need a lot of that same equipment that worked so well to motivate me, so I'm getting creative.



Along with our new work space, some new supplies gorgeously displayed and a slew of exciting school snacks on my docket are just the right touches to boost our morale as we get back to formal learning.

An easy back to school snack mix made up of our favorite snacks.

To kick things off I put together a quick snack mix full of the boys' favorite store-bought snackies. I filled a big jar with cheese crackers, BBQ kettle chips, pretzels, and cheese puffs. Having something like this on hand makes my life so much easier. We can grab a handful without losing too much traction when we're right in the middle of something.

I've also been trying to anticipate the Nora factor. I'm using the bottom shelves of our new school storage area for wood puzzles and baskets of toys that will, hopefully, distract our little princess from distracting us during school time. I'll let y'all know how that goes. I'm not super hopeful, but I gotta try. Wish us luck.

Stay tuned for one of my favorite new school-time snack recipes.

Interpreting Easter for Little Ears

As Easter Sunday approaches the boys and I have set aside our regular Bible class. Instead, I haven been reading out the Bible stories leading up to and about the first Easter. I'm also having them draw a journal page each day about what we are reading and discussing together.

Here are some of their interpretations of the stories so far.



One of the things I'm trying to focus on is the celebration of new life that Jesus' resurrection represents. The life that we thought was lost when Jesus died on the cross is found again when He comes back to life. New life for Jesus means new life for us too. Putting that into terms my boys can wrap their brains around is challenging. 

My boys know that every time we ask for forgiveness our bad jobs are erased and we can start new again with a clean slate. That's their current understanding of new life. Unfortunately, that doesn't always apply to our relationships with people, but it always applies to our relationship with God. This is information my boys know and utilize all the time with God and with Matthew and I. My hope is that their hearts will grow to understand the power and beauty of this reality, how deep it goes, how wide it spreads, how true and everlasting it really is. Everlasting life!

In Search of the Perfect Picnic: Wildflowers

Are you picnic people? We're picnic people. Sometimes picnics look like a trip to Whole Foods, so everyone can get what they like, on our way to a state park. Sometimes picnics look like putting together whatever we have at home when our eating out budget has been exhausted. Every once in a while picnics are carefully planned with special dishes created for a specific destination.

Our picnic companions.

This past weekend was a specially planned picnic to enjoy the wildflowers that have started blooming with fury out here. I become a little obsessed with planning the perfect menu sometimes - especially when it comes to picnics. I like to pair the food with our picnic spot like you'd pair a wine with cheese.



For our first wildflower picnic (yes, there will be more than one) I chose to make a curried egg salad with gluten free crackers, carrot raisin salad, strawberries & cream jar parfaits, and iced tea. I also packed Cuties and peanut butter & jelly sandwiches cut into fun shapes for my picky boys.

Everyone was very happy with their lunch. Although, my iced tea could have been much colder. Our ice maker decided to take the weekend off. I guess I'm picky too.

The wildflowers are a big attraction up here. Lots of picnic-ers and photographers gett'n their Sunday on.



Mateo took this picture of Matthew and I. We rarely get pics together as one of us is always behind the camera. Mateo was so cute. He instructed us to hold hands. Despite all of the instruction to not cut off our heads, he cut off our heads in every picture he took. This one ended up pretty good though.

A picnic princess.

Nora loves the outdoors, so she was a happy camper the entire time.



The boys were in heaven. My little explorers went with Dad to see the cows, climbed inside a tree, walked on logs, found a hatched snake egg. We called it a day when Ezra ran back terrified and in hysterics, screaming and crying because he saw a big ol' rattle snake. He responded with sufficient terror to my satisfaction.

Mateo really wanted me to get this action shot of him jumping off the log with a kick.

Mateo, on the other hand, was headed back in that direction just a few moments later. Matthew praised his lack of fear with an admonition to be cautious even when he doesn't feel afraid. That kid.

Curried Egg Salad

INGREDIENTS

8 large eggs

1/8 tsp dried thyme, crushed

1/8 tsp dried dill

½ tsp curry powder

about ½ cup mayo, or to your liking

2 Tbsp thinly chopped green onions

salt & fresh cracked pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS

1. Place eggs in a medium pot and cover with water. Set over high heat until boiling. Let it boil for a minute, then turn off the heat and cover. Set a timer for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes run eggs under cold water and peel. Cool enough to touch and chop finely.

2. In a medium bowl combine eggs with the thyme, dill, curry powder, and green onions. Add enough mayo to get the consistency you like. Taste and add salt and pepper to taste. You may also want to add more curry powder.

3. Refrigerate in an air-tight container at least 3 hours for flavors to meld.

Carrot & Raisin Salad

INGREDIENTS

4 cups shredded carrots

¼ cup golden raisins

¼ cup mayo

1 Tbsp raw apple cider vinegar

1 Tbsp sugar or honey

salt & fresh cracked pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS

1. Whisk mayo, vinegar, and sugar together to make the dressing.

2. In a medium bowl combine carrots, raisins, and dressing. Taste and add salt and pepper to taste.

3. Refrigerate in an air-tight container for a few hours to let the flavors meld.

Strawberries & Cream Parfaits

(Original recipe from Mary Engelbreit's Sweet Treats Dessert Cookbook)

INGREDIENTS

16 oz package strawberries, hulled and diced

15 oz sour cream

¼ cup brown sugar

4 to 6 half pint jars with lids

DIRECTIONS

1. Fill jars with a couple of heaping tablespoons of strawberries.

2. Next, layer a couple of tablespoons of sour cream.

3. Sprinkle with 1 or 2 tsp brown sugar.

4. Repeat layers 3 times.

5. Screw on lids and refrigerate a few hours.

* This recipe is also great with halved blackberries.

When Things Don't Go Your Way: A Birth Story

Today my baby girl turns one. I can't believe it. A year ago today I was laying on an operating table, most of my body numb, laboring to breathe shallow breaths, when I heard her beautiful cry (and burst into tears myself). The doctor lifted her over the screen so I could get a brief glimpse of her before they did all the stuff hospitals do to a newborn baby. Then they laid her on my chest where she started nursing right away and nursed for what I thought was 15 minutes, but was really 40.

My 8 lb 14 oz princess was born perfectly chunky with exquisite rolls up and down her arms and legs, and big gorgeous cheeks. Have you ever wondered how you would feel when your unborn baby comes and you already have kids? And then they are born and you are totally in love all over again and you can't believe how you, one small simple person, could contain so much love? That was me.

We didn't know we were gonna have a C section. It wasn't what we planned on. I had birthed my two boys at home with a wonderful midwife when we lived in Orange County. When we moved to the Central Coast and got pregnant again I was worried that we wouldn't be able to find a midwife we loved as much as our first. We totally did though. We found a group of midwives that are absolutely fabulous - every one of them. I highly recommend with all my heart the midwives at Holistic Midwifery Care in San Luis Obispo County for a home or birth center birth.

We had terrific care - prenatal and postpartum. There was only one problem with this otherwise healthy pregnancy. My little girl's head was up by my ribs. We tried every trick in the book to try to turn her - even handstands in a swimming pool. She wouldn't move.

When my midwives gently informed me that a C section was the best option at that point, I was crushed. I had wanted to birth my baby in our new spacious country home. This wasn't a part of my plan. They transferred me over to a doctor, but continued to care for me, even coming to appointments and to the hospital with me. They also provided all of my postpartum care. They really are rockstars. 

I am so grateful for those midwives. I totally needed them. My recovery was rough. Some people have a great(or at least, not horrible) experience with their C sections. Mine was horrible. One of the midwives mentioned how recovery can be longer and harder for older mothers than younger, and she wasn't kidding. I couldn't even get out of bed or pick up my own baby to nurse her without help. 

Not only were my midwives available to me, but my husband and little boys stepped up to the plate. My neighbors helped take care of the boys for a day and a night while I was in the hospital. Our church brought us meals. My parents came up when Matthew's leave ended. My mom held Nora while my dad cooked and cleaned my kitchen EVERY DAY.

Things didn't go my way. I will never look on that time in the hospital with fondness, but I will always remember that beautiful chubby bundle cuddled on my chest and all the people in my life that helped me when I couldn't help myself. I've heard that it takes a village to raise a child, but sometimes it also takes a village to bring a child into the world.

Today, on her birthday